Day 12 of my 39-day self-care challenge

On Mondays I go to Rosehill Blooms to work remotely. I go because being away from my big monitor (for photo editing) forces me to work on other things, that I would otherwise put off.

Right now I’m re-doing my website to include my new offerings. Even though I’ve dreamed, strategized, piloted, practiced and prepared, I still feel terrified to step into the next phase of my career.

My mindset coach calls this the Terror Barrier. It involves worry & doubt in the mind, fear in the emotions, and anxiety in the body.

But the spirit holds steady. The spirit (or “pussy” as Mama Gena would say) knows that the things that scare us are the compass for where we should go.

RUN, DON’T WALK spirit says.

I was doing the opposite — I was crawling — until I realized the best solution would be to have someone hold my hand.

Sarah doesn’t drag me through, or give me tough love, like a drill sergeant. She holds space for me to feel the fear and do it anyway. She gets down to business (she’s one of the busiest, most productive wedding pros I know). And I sit next to her and work through my terror barrier. Every now and then we pause for a dance break or a karaoke break... because obviously.

You see, once you hit the terror barrier you can either keep going or stop. But if you stop, you stop. Your goals stop, your desires stop, your dreams stop. So yeah, you can stop, but stopping is, like, actual stopping.

There’s no way around the fear. There’s no shortcut or overpass. There’s no way to avoid the discomfort.

There IS a way to enjoy it though. Because when you understand the REASONS you’re feeling like hell, you can get excited. You can remind yourself that reason you suddenly wake up at 3am is because you’re actually doing something. You’ve finally stepped into action and shit is happening. And it’s the thing you’ve been wanting and wondering and fantasizing and ferreting away in your heart like a little secret love.

And those are comforting thoughts. Comforting and exciting and great.

And then you can go back to sleep.

So today for #39daysofselfcare I packed my lunch and my laptop and went to sit amongst the flowers and my friend, in Rosehill.